What Life Is Like for Me & My Transgender Daughter – Kimberly and Kai Shappley

July 20, 2018 / Kai Shappley/ by Kimberly Shappley

The Viral Journey of My Transgender Daughter

I often thought I’d return to my "normal" life after we triumphed in our struggle. However, that's no longer an option for me.

More than a year has elapsed since I initially revealed my transgender daughter Kai's tale, which commenced its influence well before its publication in April 2017.

Kai made her public transition just before starting kindergarten. During this period, the superintendent of our previous school district in Pearland, Texas, made controversial statements in a Houston Chronicle interview, equating transgender students using the bathroom to acts like pedophilia and polygamy. This ignited my protective instincts and thrust me into a vital activist role.

My involvement began with participating in school board meetings and delivering public addresses. Being a Christian mother of a transgender child, I could not just watch as an extreme, conservative Christian voice misrepresented what my faith stands for.

I found myself unable to allow such a conservative figure to define Christianity for me.

Our difficulties with the school district persisted into Kai's first grade. They repeatedly referred to her by her birth name, Joseph, and denied her access to the correct bathroom, despite our pleas. My daughter, an avid learner who dreams of becoming an astrophysicist, was often brought to tears.

Therefore, during that year's spring break, I decided it was imperative to relocate to Austin, Texas. Upon her first day in the new city, I noticed a rainbow sign at her school proclaiming, “We are an LGBT affirming school district.” All of a sudden, Kai was treated like any other child with typical childhood challenges, though the realization dawned that our fight was far from over.

Many of the challenges we faced were from within my own faith community; we should be unified as the Church, as siblings in Christ. However, the reality is harsh. Terrible comments and actions are directed at the LGBT community in both local and national arenas. Often, these are coupled with misused Bible verses or condescending prayers.

If you're familiar with our story, you understand that I empathize deeply with that perspective, having once shared it. But at the 2017 Houston Pride, where I was a keynote speaker, I walked by protestors shouting Bible verses. On stage, with a heavy heart, I spoke of God's love for everyone and apologized for the misrepresentations by the Church. I expressed my sorrow for the immense hurt inflicted on this vulnerable community by the Church, a group that desperately needs love and acceptance. It was a profoundly sorrowful moment, reflecting on how my previous judgments might have turned people away from faith. Like many other experiences, Kai transformed my perspective completely.

The widespread impact of our story has underscored the necessity of continuing to share it.

And opportunities for advocacy have only grown. I've spoken at universities, suicide prevention seminars, and family therapy conferences across Texas, helping educate professionals on better supporting transgender individuals. The ongoing resonance of our story highlights the importance of persisting in our advocacy for acceptance and equality.

When the so-called “bathroom bill” was up for debate in Texas and even summoned to a special legislative session, I traveled extensively from Austin to speak against it. This bill not only targeted transgender individuals but sought to sow division along political and religious lines. I spoke at various lobbying events and provided testimony before the Texas Senate. For a self-described country girl with humble beginnings, I found myself increasingly involved in high-level discussions, even consulting with conservative leaders and pastors, helping to foster understanding and compassion.

This struggle is arduous and sometimes disheartening, yet it is vitally important. This is about my daughter’s future. And even though I tell myself, "After this is over, I’ll return to nursing, to my ‘normal’ life," I realize I cannot. The stakes are too high.

I hope that when I order a cake for my daughter, it won't be refused on religious grounds. I want Kai to feel safe in public restrooms, to have the opportunity to marry legally. So, when Equality Texas, the state’s foremost LGBT organization, offered me the role of Faith Outreach Coordinator, I embraced it wholeheartedly. They recognized my efforts within the faith community as crucial to progressing our cause, and it’s been an honor to continue spreading God’s love for the LGBT community.

Since our narrative first appeared on GoodHousekeeping.com, I’ve been featured on the Today show and Vice HBO — in fact, Kai and I are in HBO’s Pride commercial. We've also been highlighted in the Huffington Post and various national women’s publications. I am especially proud to have been named LGBT Activist of the Year at the FACE (First Achievers in Community Excellence) Awards in Houston.

I often describe myself as an accidental advocate, a title I hold with pride. Through all my activism, my primary goal is to prepare my children for the world. But in the unique role of Kai’s mother, I’m actually striving to prepare the world for her.

To continue following Kai's story, visit here